Off and on I have regretted giving some of our son’s ashes to his father, because they have been used to bolster a business. Likely his father would not have done that, left to his own devices. I paid for all Rob’s final expenses.
I have seen several “stories “ over the last few years that some of Rob’s ashes are on a ski hill in Mont Tremblant. One or two of them meant to jerk your tears – maybe open your wallet.
Rob was there before his ashes, in a different form, many years ago. He was in my body. I am so happy to have come to this amazing realization: a fine balance. Took a while!
Martin always loved to ski. When I first met him, he had a ratty old pair of skis made of wood, with leather straps. I didn’t have any skis, but would go with him to Brightwood Golf Course, watching while he polished his skiing skills. A few years later he got some better skis and I got myself some. Never really did love it like he did.
Some years after we were married, we moved to Montreal, and I was pregnant, he got some excellent new skis. He was so excited about that.
Being pregnant, not being crazy about skiing, I would go with Mart to Mont Tremblant on weekends, and just watch and wait for him. Same old same old.
It is fitting that some of Rob’s ashes are on Mont Tremblant. The rest are on Mount Norquay in Banff, a place where he actually skied. A lot.
Kevin & Rob 1997 Mount Norquay Mount Norquay the day we left Rob’s ashes October 10, 2018
It’s also fitting I post this on February 14, 2025.
Site of Valentine’s Day 1965 Herman’s Island 60 years ago today.
It was a very good summer for Mart. He was 14 years old and I would not meet him for another three years. Mart spent most of his leisure time in and on the water then. This was the year that he took up competitive swimming and paddling. He always looked so smooth and beautiful doing the American Crawl.
His name made the headlines several times over the summer because of his outstanding results in freestyle racing.
Most of the Giddy kids performed on this day!
Gill swims regularly to this day.
He also paddled competitively in 1957. I think this was the first year he went to Ottawa for the Nationals.
Martin was quite a star from the beginning. Not only was he good at water sports, he was very popular for other reasons. He was such a good guy.
I see a few names of some swimmers who came to his funeral with me, some 67 years later.
His project had more of an engineering aspect of building design. While his supervisor was the Dean, he had not made a name for himself as an influential conceptual designer. He was recognized for his interest in teaching the technical aspects of architecture. He became a fellow of the Royal Institute of Architecture of Canada in 1974. I searched for buildings designed by Dr. Peter Manning, I could not find any. He was not that kind of architect. Neither was Mart, but he was good at what he did as an architect.
…”Former Professor Larry Richards reflects on the school’s technical orientation under Peter Manning…” 50th anniversary Faculty of Architecture 2011
The other two members of his graduate committee were from the Faculty of Engineering. A civil engineering student had made an attempt to run with Mart’s idea for a Master of Engineering for himself, but he was unsuccessful. Seemingly, investigating folded one way curves in architecture had been around since the 1920’s. Mart was doodling one night at his desk during his final undergraduate year, scoring pieces of cardboard making curved shapes and he realized that the cardboard was extremely structurally strong on the folded curve. He might have been building a model for one of his projects; I don’t remember.
“… a very thin material (like paper) is folded along a curved crease, a 3D shape is obtained by folding (plastic deformation) as well as bending (elastic deformation) of the sheet. This principle is called curved-line folding and has been discovered by students from the Bauhaus in the late 1920’s , as explained in Demaine et al. [1]. Until now, most applications of curved-line folding in architecture only make use of the end state of the folding process. Starting from a flat sheet of material three-dimensional shapes with a geometrical stiffness are obtained, finding applications in sculptures, façade components, furniture etc. Accordingly, the plastic deformation present at the fold lines is permanent and the artefact cannot return to its initial state. However, the authors of this paper believe that curved-line folding can also be used for the design of deployable structures, by use of the elastic deformations that occur when a flat sheet is forced into a curved shape. As one surface area is bent, the forces and moments are transmitted through the curved creases to the adjacent surface areas, which then results in a folding motion…” Aline Vergauwen
The discovery intrigued him. He quickly realized that his friend was going to use his discovery for a research project of his own, so he had to act quickly to get his program started. The National Design Council Scholarship gave an amazing boost to his confidence and our bank account! It had the spending power of about $25k in today’s dollars.
Mart took an opportunity to take part in the field school in England for three weeks duration, with the final year class, and at the beginning of his Masters. Many of the students’ wives went along. It was a great trip for Mart, both professionally and personally. We just thought we couldn’t afford for me to go. And besides I had to work. Passing on that trip likely was a missed bonding opportunity for Mart and me.
However, I did get two really enthusiastic letter’s from Mart’s maternal aunt after he visited her and her husband in Lancashire. She loved him madly, just like so many others!
We continued on in the same way, for the first three years we were married. Mart and I spent most of the winter months with him being focused on school and me waiting for him. Overnighters were common for students in the school of architecture. He had many, and we often went several days without running into one another. There were no cell phones then. I am not sure it would have made a difference if there were. Even in the early days of our relationship, he would only call once or twice a week. I worked, had lots of hobbies, and started my own university studies during this time.
After we married, we camped around the Maritime Provinces during our summer weekends, but I did not get as much joy from it as he did. He was patient and went off on his own, while I often did my thing back at the tent.
Money was tight of course. He could not get student loans, as my income was too high. Incredible! So I had to take out personal loans to help finance Mart’s education. At the time I did not think twice about it. I was happy to be able to do it. I was awarded a PhT (Put Hubby Though) by the Tech Wives group I joined, the year Mart got his bachelor’s degree.
A rare date night. Mart liked this photo; he did a chalk portrait that I let disappear. My dress was of red velvet that I had worn on another occasion. My sister made the white velvet and lace top for this occasion. He did like a Lady in Red every now and again. The soloist even sang about it at his funeral. Yikes!
Date night
I think Mart’s drawing was better than this one.
Date night
Turns out I was good for his studies. He completed three years of university without a single failure, improving his marks overall. He graduated with a B.Arch in May 1969 and won a $3,000 National Design Council Scholarship to pursue a Master of Architecture.
In spite of his academic successes, there was precious little improved connecting going on in our marriage, or improvement with his writing skills. He decided to quit his Masters program at the end of its first year, even though his scholarship was renewed.
His supervisor, Dean Peter Manning, was a tough taskmaster and Mart had to focus on writing his thesis. The research, the fun stuff, was done.
“Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its height.” We gave it the old college try. Through 17 years of marriage.
In April, 1966, I accepted a job transfer to Toronto with my employer, Imperial Oil. I missed Halifax. I made two visits home over the summer, spending all of my time with Mart. In September I resigned my position, returning to Halifax, Mart and I picking up as if nothing ever happened.
Before I got home, he found an apartment for me. He asked me to marry him in December. We set a June wedding date as that was the soonest Mart’s parents could be here for our celebration. My father was going to pay for the wedding, but got drunk and angry with me so he didn’t. I paid. He did walk me down the aisle. Although, my mother did work on him over a period of years, and he paid us for the costs of the reception for about 125 people. Again, I wish I had kept some wedding pictures.
We got congratulatory letters from his parents. The letters reflect that Mart’s education was still uppermost on his parents’ minds. It was great to have their support and helpful advice for our marriage. His mom was right, trust and communication in a marriage is most important. Never occurred to us we weren’t doin’ it right all along.
Oakwood House – Dartmouth – Mart and I went to parties here twice! His Grade XII all-night party June, 1961, and our wedding reception, June 17, 1967.
It’s now an old folks home. I am hoping not to visit it any time soon.
During his third year of engineering studies he made a fortuitous visit to the School of Architecture. He was awakened to the idea that this discipline was for him. He was very excited at the thought of designing and constructing beautiful buildings.
The following year he began his architectural studies. He enjoyed most of the program but two classes were difficult for him and he failed them. Analyzing works and the writing required for the course, History of Architecture, was beyond him that year. He had problems with his Structural Engineering class too. Thus he had to become a part time student and repeat those classes the next academic year. He aced both classes the next year while working during the term as well. In retrospect, I think he felt lost and depressed during that period. Of course he never said that.
Mart also began questioning his feelings for me and wanted to date other women at the beginning of this part time year. I was devastated. I did not in the least expect this. I was sure I was destined to be an “old maid” now. After all I was 22 years old!
So we both began dating others. I was less enthusiastic about it than he was, for sure. Mart still asked me to go on dates, his mother still invited me for dinner. It was weird and painful.
The upcoming year would be a year filled with changes, me moving away then coming back, Mart’s parents moved to New Orleans, so he moved to a shared apartment with some of his classmates. He was 23 years old and on his own for the first time.
It was a team effort but he did most of the heavy lifting. It was hard. He was determined and dedicated to getting through it.
He wanted to be a mechanical or structural engineer, in the beginning. He had the guidance and support of his parents and me. His father kept his thumb on him to practice calculus most nights of the week, during the academic year, both in high school and university. His mother helped him to write papers. I helped too, but that was after he had failed Introductory English twice. Mart gave up the sports he was good at and participated in, during his youth, when he began his university studies.
While it wasn’t easy academically for Mart, in his early university years, he carried the same kind of popularity he had in high school. That was easy, everybody loved him, especially the girls! Count me in!
Runner up Campus King – Dalhousie University about 1963
As a result of the academic challenges, I mostly saw him one night a week during the time he was in university.
Mart failed a year of high school. From my perspective that was a lucky one. Maybe from his perspective too. It’s quite likely we would never have met since I was attending the school for the first time and it was during his last year of high school.
Summers were better for us. Come to think of it there were parts of two summers when he was away working in Sherbrooke Village doing the work to prepare for measured drawings of the historic buildings that were to be restored. I didn’t mind too much. I got some extra reading in.
We spent time in Sherbrooke Village on our honeymoon. Getting to the honeymoon was fraught with some troubles though. We broke up for about a year, I moved away, and he had another bad year of university.
Isobelisnecessary 